Sunday, September 03, 2006

Three Guesses What It Took

Y'know, I just read my last post and realized how much had changed.

As my title says, three guesses what it took to make me open my eyes.

A little girl. Her name is Naomi. I've known her for a few years, I helped her learn to read. This is the conversation.

"Cassie, what's a matter? You look sad. You're not sad a lot." We were in the park, eating Ice cream...of course, my brother was a few feet away (oi)

"I am sad," I said. "I really am sad a lot lately. I can't help it."

Why are you sad, Cassie? You said life was s'pose to be happy."

I sighed. She was adorable sometimes, other times she made me really think. "I'm sad because I'm confused." We sat down on the grass and she sat in my lap and faced me. "Too many changes, I can't help it, Naomi."

She actually dropped her ice cream on the ground, grabbed my cheeks, and gave me a big, sticky, little-girl kiss (an adorable moment.) "You're special, Cassie, and I love you. You're always telling me about friends you got, and friends are s'pose to make you happy. You make me sad when you're sad, Cassie. I miss you being happy."

I nearly started crying right there, because she made me realize something. I once heard about a ripple effect. When someone is angry, the anger spreads, it gets wider and wider until everyone around you is angry. I had to think back. I was worrying my parents, and my brother had all but stopped talking to me. I was being so selfish, and I didn't have really concrete reason why!

The next thing that popped my eyes open was attending baha'i meeting. It was like...wow. I had almost forgotten this amazing support I could get just by picking up the phone. They all happened to be there that night. I got hugged at least 8 times (!) which was sort of odd. but when we sat down and started saying the prayers...I can't describe the sensation. The most incredible sense of belonging you can imagine...magnified.

the third was just a half hour ago...I was checking my friend, Hannah's blog...and there was a message there from a lady named Nina...for me. A complete stranger to me. I was...a bit shocked. but then I thought about it. This lady found and read my blog...then when she couldn't post a message to mine...posted it to someone else's in hopes that it would be passed to me. This seems to be the word of the evening...Wow!! Kindness is a virtue, one that is well-carried out by many people.

So here is my realization:

Depression and sadness only seem overwhelming. When in Darkness, always search for light. This alone will make the darkness shrink away. The kindness and generosity of this world, the few people in every million who will offer a word, a hand, a smile to help are worth being happy about.

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O God! Refresh and gladden my spirit. Purify my heart. Illumine my powers. I lay all my affairs in Thy hand. Thou art my Guide and my Refuge. I will no longer be sorrowful and grieved; I will be a happy and joyful being. O God! I will no longer be full of anxiety, nor will I let trouble harass me. I will not dwell on the unpleasant things of life.
O God! Thou art more friend to me than I am to myself. I dedicate myself to Thee, O Lord."

'Abdu'l-Baha

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2 comments:

Mark said...

Your realization just helped me realize exactly what I needed to realize!

Hannah Scott said...

I love you Cassie! I love your discription of prayer, and I love how you always find an interesting and connected way to say everything:)